We can all be crippled by fear and doubt at some stage of our lives. It often occurs when something happens and we feel we have no control over what has happened. When we have no control over something it sets off a whole chain of reactions within us. We often revert back to ways of coping that worked when we were young, this may include sulking, having angry outbursts, disengaging from others, getting overdramatic and just not seeing the situation clearly. These old ways of dealing with the problem are often outdated and leave us feeling more helpless, disempowered and stuck, so what to do!!
- Breathe and come back to the felt experience of your body, take 4 slow deep breaths and feel your feet on the ground, move your body- stretch or go for a walk and bring your awareness to the present moment. Notice what is around you; notice the chair you are sitting on, the colour of the walls- get present; this calms the body and helps you see the situation without the drama, it brings simplicity and clarity.
- See the situation clearly; when we feel out of control or uptight about a situation we are often operating from a survival instinct- we are looking for the negative in any situation and we are bringing all of our history with us. This actually clouds the situation- so be present and really check it out, break the situation down and even ask questions of others to help you to get clear and to rule things out.
- Get clear on what you do know about the situation, gather real facts about the situation and your role within it. Get clear on whether you do have any power to change the situation or not. Focus on strategies and solutions- what needs to change, what am I afraid of, what is working, what do I need to let go of, check all of these things, get strategic and simplify.
- Name it to tame it, name the feeling to tame the feeling. Ask for support and acknowledge how you are feeling. This is vital, when we are aware of how we are feeling and the affect a situation is having on us, we are then able to act to change the situation. For many of us we don’t become aware of how we feel, we know we are stressed and uptight but we don’t know why- we just soldier on.
This then compounds the problem as we start to ignore, suppress and run away from our feelings and then they start to take over. We might start to have panic attacks or over-react to things, we lose touch with ourselves, our needs and our clarity.
So, start to get curious about how you’re feeling, these feelings act as a compass guiding you through life- feelings provide information. Be gentle and kind with yourself and commit to getting to know yourself through being present and checking out how you feel.